The internet is awash with ridiculous conspiracy theories, because many people on the internet have some sort of mental issues. Shocking news, I know. What is fun is reading some of the conspiracy theories, because they are usually more interesting than the latest schlock on the shelves at Borders. Thanks to the magic of Resistnet, we got the ultimate BP oil conspiracy from poster Edmund Goodwin:

Goal: For George Soros to get richer and to force the establishment of his commie New World Order…

George Soros is the ultimate devil in conspiracy theories lately. It’s like the right is completely oblivious to the fact there are many many multi-millionaires who give money for political causes. In fact, since many of these people pushing the Soros hate work for Foundations and Think Tanks bankrolled by rich families like Scaife, Coors, and Olin, one can only conclude they are turning Soros into a boogeyman on purpose. Because they are.

So what would you do if you were a large, well-organized group of committed communists? Well, besides give each other Nobel “Peace” Prizes? Remember Mandella, Arafat, Obama?

So Edmund Goodwin hates Nelson Mandella now. How dare they end apartheid! Those muthafrakkers!

Look south to commie Venezuela and Hugo. How about Brazil? China is a communist country, as is North Korea. The commies need to break America financially, and break the American people’s spirit, so kill jobs as quickly as possible and spend our tax money as quickly as possible.

So George Soros wants to get richer (capitalism) by doing communism. And Brazil is brought up for no reason. What is the conspiracy to bankrupt America? Get ourselves involved in stupid wars that drain our funding so a certain Commander in Chief and pretend to be a fighter pilot with a big codpiece? Nope, the real conspiracy is much deeper than that…

How? Hmmmmmm… Deny the largest oil company in the world (BP) shallow drilling. Make them drill way far out where it is deep. Let them slide past tough inspections. Make sure the emergency shutoff valve a mile down has a dead battery. Shut off the alarms. One spy on board required.

We’ll use BP, force then to violate safety regulations thanks to a spy.

But I’m getting ahead of my story. First, they need some bodacious nut case to help out. Kim Jong Ill of North Korea, maybe. But how to contact him without being noticed by the sheeple? Send a couple of innocent young ladies (who speak Chinese and are sort-of journalists) across NK’s border. They’ll get arrested.

Asian women can’t be real journalists! Because their slanty eyes prevent them from seeing the truth that only round-eyes can see. But Asian people are sneaky, unlike Real Americans, and also speak Chinese, just like the North Koreans but also unlike Real Americans, who only speak Real American.

Then send Bill Clinton to NK to personally intervene with KJI and “rescue” the girls. Whilst there, he can propose a deal about nukes and small submarines. KJI’s sub can cause an “accident” to an oil rig. The oil spill will be horrendous. Then make sure it IS NOT STOPPED so the spill will eventually wipe out most jobs and businesses along the Gulf coast. Meanwhile, KJI can begin to attack South Korea with impunity and play with nukes (except for the obligatory bluster).

So the plan is to have Bill Clinton and Kim Jong Ill (Kim Jong Il’s sick brother) torpedo and oil rig (which is also being sabotaged by a spy at the same time) via a magic submarine that can somehow get into the Gulf of Mexico undetected in a giant conspiracy to take down Bubba Gump Shrimp and also let North Korea sink a South Korean ship and also nuke South Korea, spoiling the release of Starcraft 2 later this summer.

The spill will make BO’s Cap & Tax easier to pass in Congress. That, in turn, will rapidly kill people’s spirits and their bank accounts as well. Cloward & Piven again and again!!! Then Obama loans Brazil’s Petrobras oil drilling company billions of our tax dollars to drill even deeper than BP was doing! Meanwhile, George Soros has (only just days before) coincidentally invested HUGE amounts of money in Petrobras. Boy, was he lucky! For a very rich guy to get even richer off our tax money— woo hoo!

Obama is sooo evil he is doing a conspiracy to destroy drilling so he can give a company money to continue drilling! It’s the ultimate ploy. Also Soros gets rich because who ever heard of rich people getting richer? The ultimate plan! It makes perfect sense, except for the part where you bother to think about any of it. We get a Cloward Piven namedrop as well, another thing no one ever heard of until Glenn Beck decided that liberals were doing it and suddenly every Wingnut with a keyboard is a Cloward Piven expert.

Nightmare? Conspiracy theory? Truth? You decide. But we need to get our military home so they can defend this nation from “all enemies foreign and DOMESTIC.”

We must bring the troops home so they can stand around on oil rigs looking for spies and secret submarines!

Oh, I forgot to add that this scenario above also facilitates the nationalization of BP !!! Stay tuned.

How are we going to nationalize a company from another country? Stay tuned, another completely ridiculous theory will be printed soon…we hope! Maybe he can work the greys and reptilians into it!